after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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