Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize