i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
