I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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