You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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