Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize