They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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