North Korea, Best Korea!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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