So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
