but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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