I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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