Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
