Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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