she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize