first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
