Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
