D3 body, D1 cock
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
