I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
