i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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