Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
