my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
