i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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