im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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