So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
