My friends, they love my intelligence
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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