ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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