His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
