Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my shit smells like andre
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
