Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
