This is not my ceiling
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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