Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
