be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
