Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
this just has baby written all over it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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