New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
