i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
