Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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