she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
