Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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