i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
