Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
