Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
