bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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