Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
