Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(571): View more from Virginia

non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.

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(718): View more from New York

Barsexuality is the new black.

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(415): View more from California

well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart

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(314): View more from Missouri

my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them

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(251): View more from Alabama

I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.

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(714): View more from California

Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.

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(512): View more from Texas

I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!

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