fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
