All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
