I am puke
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
