my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize