I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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