he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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