I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
