Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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