I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
