What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
