i jhust puked up my retainher.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What drink are we having for lunch?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
