i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
