I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
