I hate all girls vehemently.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize