My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
