Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
