There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
