Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
