You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
