When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
