I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
