make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
why is half of my head shaved?
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