i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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