I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
