Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
