Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
