I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Is it penis luge time yet?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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