i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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