The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
