what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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