We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize