Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize