I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
