Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
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