What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize