yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
