When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
