im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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