Ketchup is God's man juice
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
