Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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