Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
