I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
