He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
