I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
