So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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