As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
