You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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