Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
