First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize