Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
