i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
