Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
