I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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